1 year Old: HOLY CRAP

Tonight marks the first anniversary of Owen's birth.  I am, of course, feeling a multitude of emotions.  I'm very weepy.

I'm thinking back to a year ago.  I'm thinking back to the whole labor process.  I'm thinking of this:

Resting and Loving in between contractions

And I'm thinking of the pain cresting and the unbearableness of it all.  I'm remembering how I asked for pain medication, against my desired birth plan, and how my doula (Nicole Heye) lovingly asked me to wait another half hour.  I'm remembering how impossible that sounded.  And how I did it.

First Smile with 'Baby,' not yet named

I'm laughing that at one point I growled to the room, "no one is allowed to laugh."  

I'm grateful that Colleen was there to witness the place we deemed 'swamp hell' when everyone else was not on my plane of existence.  She was *there* with me, seeing my face split horizontally, seeing me feel my eyes slit into a primitive being.  She was horrified & traumatized, and witnessed my trauma, and told me it was real.  I wasn't a wimp.

Just hours old, in the hospital

I'm remembering our utter shock that I birthed such a huge baby--who knew???  9 lbs, 12 oz!!!  At 40 weeks, we were measuring at 38 weeks; what a difference those last two weeks made.

I'm remembering some of the things I haven't shared with the public.  I'm remembering the hemorrhaging.  The level 3-4 tear.  I'm remembering the things we mothers don't speak in public, about feeling myself, swollen and resting on my sides as I made the first walk after Owen came out.  How I was on side-lying bed rest for a whole week afterwards because of the swelling.  And how 12 hours after I was released, I was back at St. Peter's Hospital--this time in the ER--because I passed a blood clot the size of my fist and when into shock on the bathroom floor.

A day old; the swelling's gone down

And lastly, I am remembering the feeling of having, of seeing my baby.  MY baby.  This new little life that wasn't here in this way, and now is.  I remember his sweet new baby smell, pre bath.  I remember his size.  His feet, just like mine.  And I'm seeing him grow this past year, growing and changing and making me laugh and cry.  

And then I see, in my mind, his 1st birthday party we had this past weekend.  Such a big boy.  Such a person I am proud to have birthed, blessed to be his mother.  This little boy that I love like no other.

10.5 months!

I wish I could do justice to the sheer amount of joy, challenges, and changes that have happened since I last posted!  But I know I'm likely to forget some of these; please forgive me for doing so.

Owen's dental appointment went very well; I cannot recommend Small to Tall Dentistry enough--especially Dr. Psaltis!  (It helps that I know him from Unity of Olympia too...)  Owen's holes aren't cavities--yet.  They're very likely to become cavities because of the shape of them, sugar can easily rest there and start decay.  So...we're doing a fluoride rinse once a day, just dabbing it on the spots with a Q-tip.  I [still!] have mixed feelings about fluoride, but Dr. Psaltis was very knowledgable, and I feel confident that it was the right choice.

June, at the Bellevue Botanical Garden

Some joy:

Owen's first word: CAT!  Though now that I announced it, he's completely stopped.  Go figure. 

My little munchkin is continuing to inch forward towards crawling, though he hasn't figured it out yet.

He is SO SMART!  The way he 'reads' to himself, and to me, is heart-breaking in it's adorableness.  And now he's waving, gesturing at things...he knows what 'cat' is, what 'fan' is, and what 'Roberto Balano' is (Colleen named our plant after one of her beloved authors).

His 9 month appointment clocked him at 27 lbs, 8 oz.  

And...I just love him more and more with every breath I take.

Some challenges:

He's having trouble with bowel movements.  This is very scary.  Not to go into details, I'll just say we're trying everything.  Everything you could suggest, we're doing.  And I'm frustrated.  I'm frustrated at all of the suggestions, I'm frustrated that the nurse-practitioner's suggestion was, "before we recommend suppositories, we try to change his diet."  "Really," I wanted to say.  "Who the F do you think you're talking to???"  So...introducing more solids is at a plateau for now.  He's getting about 3-4oz in the morning, and about 2-3 for a second meal in the evening.

And.  I am having trouble producing breast milk.  And everything you could suggest, I'm doing.  Seriously.  AND I can't just give him more solids to compensate, because as you read above, his little body is having trouble digesting those.  So I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.  I need to work to survive (and I love my job~I'd cry without it), but I can't produce enough milk to make it through a whole work day.  I can't go in just a little bit every day because I only have childcare for the three days.  I just don't know what to do.

Other things of note, he (and the rest of us) caught a terrible cold (his first real one) that made him have crap in his little lungs.  We were real worried for a little bit, but we used the humidifier & I rubbed diluted ravintsara EO on his feet, and it's finally passed.

He apparently had a case of 'nursemaid's elbow' that landed us in the ER.  I think x-rays are terrible, horrible things, but they have their use, and we had to get his arm x-rayed.  But the upshot is that we have adorable chubby Owen-arm x-rays.  :)

So there's, finally, a little update.

Dadadada and blueberries

Some new(ish) things to note, since I am *so horrible* about updating y'all:

1. Owen often gives hugs & kisses.  It is AWESOME.
2. He seems to have gigantic holes in his two front teeth!!!  I can't tell what on earth they are; they don't look like cavities, and we brush his teeth after each feeding, and he's only had these teeth for less than 3 months!!!  Has anybody else had this happen?
3. Owen sings to us, to himself, to anything.  Is is just...the sweetest, most precious thing.
4. I am still sleep deprived.  I will probably be so for the foreseeable future.  People can say what they want, but I won't have him cry it out.  I just won't.

Here's a list of the solid foods Owen's had so far:

• bananas
• blueberries
• apples
• pears
• sweet potatoes
• peas
• avocados
• rice cereal

I'm bragging, I know, but I am so proud to say that I've cooked and pureed ALL OF THESE and have bought NO baby food for his belly!!  I'm also glad to say it's all been organic.  But for those who know me, that's not a surprise since I'm kind of...militant about it.

His favorite so far?  It's hard to tell.  He likes all food!!!  He hasn't had the bananas for a long time because he's had trouble not pooping afterward.  (Same with the rice cereal.  I don't know.  It's hard to imagine moving from 1 feeding a day when he gets so constipated with some of these foods.)  The blueberries were fun because I put them in a teething bag while they were still frozen and he totally loved it.  And they died his fingers and face.  And I have a video.  It is Awesome.

He babbles all of the time!!!  It's funny because when we go out, he's quieter because he's used to a small household.  So people think he's a quiet baby until he gets going, and then they're shocked.  I think Brant's going to win on the 'first word' contest, because Owen babbles dadadadada all day long (along with bababa  and all sorts of other words), but he hasn't learned the 'm' sound yet.  So no 'mama.'   I console myself with the fact that he doesn't know he's saying dadda when he looks at Brant and says it...but he will soon, and I know I've lost.

Happy Owen eating blueberries :)

A Belated Easter Greeting

Happy [late] Easter, everyone!!!

Cute Easter Baby

What a cutie pie :)

Breastfeeding Help, Please!!!

I'm in a bind, for two reasons:

1.  Owen's begun to bite while nursing.  At first it didn't hurt much, but he's progressively biting harder, and once he made me cry.  (Poor Owen had no clue what was going on; he still hasn't made the connection that my breast is a part of me and feels pain.)  We haven't given him negative stimuli, so when he hears me say no with a frowny face (I'm trying to teach him facial expressions), he thinks it's funny.  He grins up at me, like, 'what a weird voice you're making right now, mama!' and doesn't get it.  So I don't know what to do.  I refuse to 'pop' him, regardless of how many mothers/grandmothers/aunts/etc. suggest it to me, and I can't just not feed him.  Any advice???

2.  I'm having challenges choosing what rate to give solid foods to Owen.  The pediatrician gave us a recommendation sheet, but the guidelines seem pretty steep for right now.  Then it occurred to me that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for 1 year, not 2 (even though the WHO and UNICEF both recommend 2 years).  So I think the guidelines are focused on weaning a child after a year, which is not my intent.  Any nursing mothers have advice about how to incorporate solids without replacing a substantial portion of breast milk?

PLEASE, HELP!!

Solid Foods

Just a quick note:

Solid food poop is the most disgusting smelling thing in the world.  Breast fed poop is so much better.

This new change is gross.

6 Months!!!

Owen is (well, has been) 6 months old already!!!  It's just crazy.  I still can't believe it.  Such a big boy!  Some things on my mind:

1.  Owen loves to roll-over for tummy time.  So much so, that, he's not really spending time actually on his tummy.  When we asked our pediatrician for advice, she gave us the standard advice we already knew about...put a toy or a book in front of him to see if it'll lead him to stay there longer.  It doesn't work.  But then she said, to my sadness, "Well, bigger babies tend to take longer to crawl anyways, so he's probably not that far behind."  So crawling may be a bit off.  But I have to look at the bright side; we get more time before we have to following him around everywhere!

2.  He's begun to scream at the top of his lungs all the time.  In happiness, in anger, in frustration, you name it.  He has a strong pair of lungs.

3.  Yesterday we fed him solids (bananas with breast milk) for the first time.  I have a video; I wish I could upload it, but it's being tricky.  He was interested, definitely ate it, but wasn't happy.  But that was mostly, I'm sure, because he's unfamiliar with food in his mouth.  It was super cute.

Anyways,  that's it for the updates!

The "Weirdo Face"